Lesson Learned: Talent Often Has Little To Do With Success

Yep, that's what I learned... success quite often is not achieved by way of talent.  Perhaps the first few stepping stones relied on talent, but when it all comes down to it, success is more often reached via excellent business and people skills.

I know of successful people who couldn't even begin to survive in the day to day operations of their own business.  They are generally clueless, really, as to what actually takes place in their companies.  Apparently, they can be oblivious.  Although I have to believe that if they were capable of programming a website or creating their own marketing budget reports that they would be a far better manager, which would lead to greater profits in the end.

On the flip side, I've seen countless employees with outstanding talent who will never be anything more than an employee.  I'm sure for some, it's fear, and for others, it's complacency or lack of ambition.  The managers that take advantage of those rare gems should be ashamed of themselves.  The gems should demand more respect (especially in the form of cash).

When it all comes down to it, though, if you are blessed with excellent people skills, you are destined to be a successful person.  The business end can be learned quite easily.  No other talent required!  Oh, and of course I can't go without mentioning that it's also about who you know ;)

My Technique for Diffusing Anger

It just hit me that I should probably share this with the interwebz :)  I have this great (somewhat hilarious) trick I use when the anger is building and I'm about to blow... My general modus operandi is that I take things out on inanimate objects: the TV, computer, phone... a lot of electronics, I guess!  hah... It's typically just general bitching, but it seems to get the job done most of the time.  The only time I hate this about myself is when someone else is around to witness it.  It always ends up making them feel bad or uncomfortable, and I certainly don't want that.  People who know me pretty well, though, know to just leave me alone and never, ever take my inanimate object-oriented rage personally.

In any case, although I express my anger pretty freely, I definitely don't like the feelings or vibes that anger creates.  All that negativity is totally unhealthy and I happen to believe that those who live stressful, unhappy lives, filled with constant negative energy are the types that end up with cancer, MS, IBS, or other general sicknesses.  Stress highly compromises your immune system anyway, so it only makes sense to me that the more negativity you have in your life, the sicker and sicker you will become.

I had this thought a few years ago, and tried it out.  It's common knowledge that smiling, laughter, joy and positive energy have incredible health benefits.  Plus, it's just generally preferable to feel good as opposed to any other alternative!  So, I thought "Why not try to smile when you're getting angry?"  It's a funny thought, and smiling or laughing is sometimes difficult to do when you're irate.

So I tried it... and I can't even begin to describe the short circuit that took place in my body & brain.  It was amazing!  I was absolutely fuming over something I can't even recall now, and I remembered my resolve to try smiling.  I immediately thought, "That's just freaking stupid.  I don't want to smile right now...I'm mad!" But I did it anyway, and the results just blew me away.  I was physically unable to remain angry!  It's like that physical act of turning the ends of your lips upward completely short circuits the brain, floods you with feel-good sensations, and immediately overpowers the negative.

What's even better is that you feel so silly smiling (1) at nothing, and (2) when you're angry, that it's like a literal, emotional oxymoron, which in turn causes you to laugh at yourself, therefore completely flooding out the negative with utterly positive vibes.  The anger diffuses instantly!

I'd say the majority of people do not know how to properly manage their anger in a healthy, beneficial way.  People typically bottle it up until they explode, or express it more freely and more often (like I do).  Bottling it up is generally catastrophic.  People end up getting hurt, things are said that aren't meant, and it starts killing you from the inside, out.  Either that, or the anger turns inward and manifests itself into depression, which is also catastrophic.  On the other hand, people who express it more freely and more often, tend to splash it all over the place and fail to channel it properly.  People end up getting hurt, things are said that aren't meant, and it begins affecting relationships with others.  It can also build a tolerance... what used to satisfy your anger now doesn't, and it takes more to fully express and dissolve it.  Eventually, you hit a brick wall, and lose control.  Few people express their negative emotions in a healthy, effective, beneficial manner, so we seek out techniques to help us learn...

I urge everyone to try this awesome technique.  No need for anger management... all you have to do is force a smile!  It's never really failed me.  And once you've tried it, come back here & leave me a comment :)

Cafe Gratitude Questions of the Day

When do you feel defeated?

I thought about this one for a long time... I really can't think of a time I've felt totally defeated.  I suppose it's because I'm so confident that everything will always work out.  I have a lot of faith.  Plus, I know if things don't go my way, it's for a good reason, and that reason will reveal itself soon enough.  Even when I'm struggling, there's still a part of me that always feels on top of the world!

What do you love about love?

What isn't there to love about love!  Love is present in everything... we just have to recognize and accept it.  If god is a part of all of us, and god is love, then we are love... right?  At least our souls are.  Our physical bodies are more like conduits for love.  We separate ourselves from our souls, we build walls, and block out love and god, and look where we end up... at war.  At war with everything... ourselves, each other, nature, the world... 

In that case, couldn't we could also ask, "What do you love about you?" or "What do you love about every person on earth?" We really aren't separate from each other or the world. That's a silly illusion that governs the majority of our actions, thoughts, opinions and beliefs.  We are all connected by energy... love.  I'd probably be afraid to see the answers to both of those questions anyway... lol

Cafe Gratitude Questions of the Day

What is a failed expectation that is causing you suffering?

I almost skipped over this question today, as I'm not trying to make anyone look bad, but I reconsidered because it really should be expressed, and this is a great place for that!  Some of us have certain people in our lives that continuously let us down in one way or another.  Why, then, do we keep them in our lives?  I know when it's a family member, it's easy to understand why, but some of us put ourselves through undue stress with those who could be removed from our lives.  It's a balance thing, I think.  We can all handle being let down from time to time, but when it begins to outweigh the positive effect that person has on your life, it's time to move on.  

I personally struggle with a couple of people that are this way.  One, I could let go of, and have let go of before, but for some reason we keep reuniting.  The other, I can't quite let go of, as I'm stuck in the middle of a situation that requires my involvement, and requires this person to live up to their end of a deal, which they're not doing, partially due to unforeseen circumstances, mostly due to avoidable circumstances.  Bad decision making on their part has put me in quite a bind, but I'm not really stressing over it.  Things always fall into place, and always will.  Actually... what's funny (and I just realized this) is that the first expectation-failure is the one I'm counting on to bail me out of the other failure's doing.  lol... how ironic. I just hope it all works out, as I'm sure it will :)  

What would you like to share?

What a great question!  So simple and necessary, yet something we never ask each other.  There's a lot I'd like to share, but if I had to choose one thing today, it'd probably be my utter joy to be back in Florida, and especially around this time of year.  I moved to NC for a while, and basically the entire time I was there, I wished I was in FL.  I was born and raised here and spent half my life in NC at my family's cabin. What I realized when living there was that it needs to remain a vacation place.. a haven to retreat to when you want to get away.  Florida is where I am happiest and feel most at home.  And the anticipation of the upcoming season is so great... October - March is my favorite time of year in Florida, and it's right around the corner!  

I have a ton of plans for celebrating the holidays, decorating my house, being all festive... one thing I'm definitely looking forward to is seeing my cousin's new baby during the Christmas holiday.  They're coming down to visit, and I'll finally get to see little Nicki!  It's bittersweet seeing all the photos and videos.  I don't think my grandparents could be more thrilled to have their first great-grandchild :)  Life is good!  

Cafe Gratitude Questions of the Day

What are you not trusting?

It's interesting to me... when we're kids, we're full of trust.  That childlike optimism, and ability to live in the moment is what many strive to rediscover and regain.  Each time we experience betrayal, pain or trauma, a few more bricks are added to the wall we inevitably build as we age.  The Innocent is a highly powerful and necessary archetype that gives us the energy and ability to take on new experiences (relationships, job ventures, etc.).  Without optimism, innocence and some level of trust, we would have great difficulty making major changes in our lives.  With trust being directly related to fear, perhaps you could ask the question, "What do you fear?" instead.

Sometimes it's easier to admit what you fear, rather than what you don't trust.  I fear losing control / freedom.  I was raised in an environment where money seemed to equal freedom.  "Without money, you will struggle.  With money, you have the freedom to go where you want and do what you want." Therefore, I've also always feared lack of money.  Interesting, though, how I chose the path I've taken thus far.  I wanted money, but I also wanted daily freedom from rigid schedules, dealing with bosses that are generally dumb, punching a clock, answering to any authority... Not to say that's necessarily a right or wrong way of thinking, but it is what it is.

Some of the bigger questions I might ask are, do you trust yourself?  Do you trust God/the Universe/your Higher Power?  I can say that I do.  I lose faith from time to time, of course, but on a large scale, I can confidently answer yes.  I believe when you find trust in yourself/your higher power (aren't they one in the same?), there is nothing you can't accomplish once you let go of the fears holding you back, and surrender to trust, love and peace.  Often, the very thought of surrender elicits even more fear in people.  This is what we must overcome if we're ever to find peace.

Who do you love?

My immediate answer would be the obvious... my family, friends & pets.  Although it can be difficult & requires some reminding, I strive to learn to love everyone...  those I disagree with, those who have hurt  or wronged me, those I've never met or never will meet, etc.  History's most enlightened and influential people taught this simple rule (think Jesus, Gandhi...) and for obvious reason, it's the most difficult for humans to accept and integrate into their lives.  We're just not evolved enough yet.

Lessons Learned

- No matter how long you've known someone, there's always more to learn about them. Don't pride yourself on knowing everything about a person. Would you say there's anyone who really knows everything there is to know about you?

- Lying, as a characteristic, has many subcategories. Deceit, manipulation, omission... they are all forms of lying, and are all just as terrible as the next. Omission is my pet peeve. It is a cowardly assault, and an act of utter selfishness.

April vs. Office Depot

I purchased a Toshiba Satellite P205D-S7454 from Office Depot in December of 2007.  Luckily, I also purchased the extended, two-year Performance Protection Plan. 

After having to send it in three times within a four month period for the same problem, and having the hard drive replaced each time, I was fed up.  I have earned bit of a reputation for handling customer service resolution issues fairly well.  I don't stop until I receive a reasonable resolution, and that is what this post is all about.  I will explain how I handled Office Depot's attempt to squirm out of their lemon replacement policy, and how you can use the same tactics to get what you want from any corporation that has wronged you, or is attempting to wrong you.

Office Depot's Performance Protection Plan states that if you send in a PC for the same repair three times, that the upon the fourth occurrence, they consider it a lemon, and will issue a replacement gift card in the amount at which you originally purchased the lemon.  When I called to report the fourth occurrence, the warranty department attempted to tell me that only two repairs had been made, and the third one "didn't count" because it was put through a different claim system than the other two.  

After arguing for a while that the claims system, which is out of my control, is irrelevant to me, and that I fully expect them to replace my laptop, I realized I had exhausted this avenue of problem resolution and hung up with them.  You always want to exhaust the standard customer service resources before moving to more aggressive tactics.  I spoke with various agents and supervisors before reaching this point.  Most importantly, in any stage of the game, never, ever begin swearing or making threats.  It will almost always get you nowhere.  

My next step was to go to the top.  Not the next level up, but to the top.  I went to Office Depot's website and located the names of CEO's, Presidents, Vice Presidents, and their Executive Customer Service department.  You will most often find this kind of information on a Press Release or Media area of the site.  Also, by locating the email address of an employee in a press release, I learned that their standard email format was firstname.lastname@officedepot.com.  When I sent my mass email to the executives, I knew to use this format to ensure the appropriate people received it.  

I then constructed a professionally-written email.  This part is important, as you want to accomplish three main goals: 

• Explain the history and problem in detail, including dates, product numbers, invoice numbers, etc.  In my case, I listed the dates my laptop was sent in, claim numbers, and what repairs took place.  Try to keep it as unemotional as possible. 
• Describe what you feel is a fair resolution.  This is where you can let a little emotion fly.  I told them I was infuriated, disappointed, etc. Let them know how you feel!  Then explain what it is you want, and be sure it is a reasonable request.  In my case, I only asked them to live up to what their contract promised - a gift card for the original purchase amount of my laptop so I can purchase a new one of my choice.  
• Finish with what you plan to do if your resolution is not met.  Give them a deadline.  I told them if I did not hear back from them within one week, I would seek further help from consumer protection agencies, the Better Business Bureau, etc.  

It is also beneficial to prove or explain to them that it will end up costing them less money in the long run to resolve your issue.  In my case, they had paid to ship my computer six times, replaced three hard drives and the screen frame, and were looking at another hard drive replacement and two more shipping fees.  Corporations are out to make money.  If you can show them it is more cost effective to resolve your problem and get rid of you, then you will most always get your way.  

Within less than 3 hours of sending my email to the entire executive staff of Office Depot, I received a response from the Senior Customer Relations Manager of the Executive Customer Relations department.  What was most impressive was that I sent it at  5:40 p.m. on a Friday night, and received a response at 8:20 p.m. the same evening.  She informed me she received my email and that someone would contact me by Monday.  It was a courtesy email that indicated I was about to receive the customer service I should have gotten since day one.  

By Sunday, the issue had been resolved.  I was promised a replacement gift card, and I received the box to ship back the faulty computer within a few days.  Sometimes, all it takes is to get to the right person.  Large corporations, however, tend to make this very difficult.  With this more aggressive tactic, you should find success in most of your customer resolution battles.

If you would like to view my email to Office Depot, click here.